Finding some meaning

I’m in one of those modes where I’m questioning my so-called ‘calling’, my involvement in the church, indeed even my attendance at church.

If one takes time to examine the world and put some thought to its existence, purpose, hope, future, then someone could easily take a very dim view of it all.

On the one hand, we are all basically specks of dust, flitting about, trying to extract meaning out of an existence filled with some joy, yes, but also plenty of pain, sorrow and ultimately death. And we’re all stranded on this ball of mud, hurtling through the cosmos unsure of the vast majority of everything that surrounds this beautiful but yet impossibly small in the grand scheme of things and seemingly insignificant, planet.

What assurances do we have? What promises? What do we know for certain? How can our religion, our faith be so solid as to resist all of these questions and uncertainties?

I don’t know that I have any answers, I don’t know if I can ever attain them. I will start with some things I do know.

I know I was fortunate enough to be born into a family that loves me very much. I had a wonderful childhood, unlike others I know. I have had a fortunate life. I don’t mean fortunate where I have lucked into a lot of money, or an easy life when it comes to relationships, jobs etc. In fact I’ve had a couple of serious medical issues in my lifetime, one of them life-threatening. Until my current relationship I had terrible luck with picking insecure, demanding, possessive and unstable people to be in relationships with and seemingly brushing aside anyone who would have provided something more real.

But through it all I have somehow managed to come through, usually the better off and with an attitude that instead of belying bitterness, instead embraces the new opportunities and relishes the lessons learned. In that, I have been very fortunate.

I also know I feel love. I feel love from my partner, I feel love from my dogs, I feel love from my friends and family, I feel love from my co-workers. But for myself, I feel love towards all those people, I feel love towards people I don’t even know. When the tsunami hit southeast Asia, when Hurricane Katrina hit the U.S., when the bridge collapsed in Minnesota, I cried genuine tears of sorrow and compassion. I don’t say these things to pat myself on the back, but I know that by virtue of these things, I know I have emotion in my heart. I know a lot of other people do; I hope everyone does, at least on some level.

So what does love mean? Why have compassion towards fellow human beings? If all we are are animals doing nothing more than to survive, why care about anyone else but ourselves?

I believe love comes from God. As the Bible says, “God is love.” It also goes on to say “He who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

A pretty simple statement on the surface, but love really isn’t simple at all when you get down to it. Love is hard. We should all know that. But that tangent is for another time.

Some may not hold much credence in the Bible. I still have questions about it and don’t think it is a book to always be taken literally. But I do know I learn from it that love exists, God is love, and God (love) is in the world.

That is something to latch on to. That gives meaning to these specks of dust flitting about. On this cold, gray January afternoon, that is enough for me.