Tamiflu sucks

The folks came up to visit and take me out to dinner this past Monday. It was great to see them and have a good meal down at Suggins. The next morning though, I woke up around 2 am vomiting, I barely made it into the bathroom. I spent the next few hours being sick and debating whether or not to go into work. Around 8 am, after having showered and gotten ready I finally realized there wasn't a chance I was going to make it to work. I called in sick, although I made it in that afternoon for a little bit. I was off Wednesday as well and although I went in Thursday, I was worthless.
Friday I felt better but nowhere near 100%. I went to my doctor on Thursday, he didn't think I had anything major. He offered to prescribe me Tamiflu just in case. I said sure, thinking I would take anything to be well once and for all.
Come to find out Tamiflu has major side effects. Nauseua, dizziness, vertigo etc. The upside is Tamiflu can cut short the flu by *one* day. Are all of those side effects worth the freakin *one* day? I don't really think so. Tamiflu made me feel awful so I quit taking it.
Since then I have felt better and better. Who thought Tamiflu was a good idea?

Recovering from this week

I've been suffering through a stomach bug or possibly even the flu for the last few days. It's been one of the worst illnesses I've been through in a while and yet not nearly as bad as what some of my co-workers have gone through.

Still though, it was bad enough for me.

Today is the first today I have felt close to normal. Not 100%, just close to normal. Thankfully in time for the weekend also.

So I'm enjoying my partner's company (after he had been gone all the previous week).

Right now the dogs are playing, I think the male dog has reconsidered his de facto sister as a possible girlfriend.

I guess being dogs, it doesn't strike me as weird as it were if they were actual children.

This past week

What a time I have had since last Monday! My partner has been in Aruba since last Monday. I had the chance to go but didn't because of several reasons: I am not a beach person by any stretch of the imagination, I went last year so I've seen Aruba - it's nice, just don't feel the need to see it again right away, I would like to save my money and vacation time for somewhere I really want to go to, plus this past week was Holy Week and then Easter. Also, I had to take care of both dogs this past week, which has put a cramp on anything I wish to do, I've had to adjust my work schedule to make sure I can get home to let them out. Normally not a big deal. But this week at work has been perhaps one of the busiest weeks we've had in a long time. And add on top of that it was Holy Week. I attended some form of service every day of the week from Palm Sunday up to Easter. So, I had a busy week, but it's all coming to an end. My partner returns tomorrow night. This week at work shouldn't be nearly as busy. But even as much as I was dreading this past week (as I saw everything building up towards a really busy week) I came through it fine, like I always do and as I suspect most people do through situations they first imagine are going to be awful. Maybe by the time this coming weekend arrives I will have some time to catch my breath.

Resurrection!

Christ is risen!

May we all rejoice!

The Great Vigil of Easter

I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical heading into tonight's service. My first experience with the Great Vigil of Easter didn't live up to the billing. I was told it was the biggest service in the church year, it would be packed, would last for two hours etc etc. That was also when I was baptized and confirmed.
Well that service was spectacular for me for the simple reason I was baptized, that was such a huge transformation for me, I am still trying to comprehend it all two years later. But I still remember the service itself not living up to the billing.
Last year I was running the sound so any meaning attached to the service was lost on me completely.

This year, because of everything I've been going through spiritually, I have hoped every service I have attended has some meaning. Like I said at the beginning, I wasn't quite sure about this one, even skeptical.

As it began and continued I was ok, but still not moved. We sat in darkness with our candles, listening to the Old Testament readings. Then the lights came on and everything was supposed to be glorious.

I did find my glory though. As we moved from darkness into light I realized the bonds, the weight, the cross even, that we were all supposed to bear for the last 40 days, were gone now. We were free, we could be happy, even rejoice in church and not have to kneel and grovel and ask for forgiveness.

When I realized that, I could barely keep myself from smiling and indeed almost laughing out loud at the joy I felt.

Thank God it's Easter!

Maundy Thursday

The Thursday before Easter is traditionally referred to as Maundy Thursday in the Anglican church, and I believe the Roman Catholic church (although they tend to refer to it simply as Holy Thursday).
The term Maundy comes from "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet. (from wikipedia).
This is also the day which we signify that Jesus instituted the Holy Eucharist in the form of the Last Supper.
Within the Episcopal Church we also signify this day by the descent into darkness as associated with Good Friday. At the end of the service the altar is stripped and the lights are slowly turned down to the point of darkness. At the end the congregation is left in darkness with an empty and stark altar, in darkness, no choir, no clergy. Just themselves, darkness and God.

The dogs went crazy

The dogs managed to get hold of a couple of branches of the palm trees (even though all the plants are barricaded from them) and the results ended up in the middle of the living room floor.
When I went to vacuum (and upstairs on the white carpet I normally just vacuum up similar looking leaves with the vacuum) I started to see bright green streaks on the carpet. The palm fronds were leaving stains!!
Luckily with the carpet cleaner I was able to get everything up. I had a heart attack for a moment thinking the carpet was stained.
I noticed that Kaiser actually had to (it could only have been him - Zelda doesn't have the length) rear up on one of the chairs and actually bite a couple of the palm ends off.
Oh well, I suppose it's better than destroying the furniture.

The dogs had a heyday

This picture doesn't do it justice, but after we went out for just a little bit for dinner tonight, we came home to find the dogs had spread dirt and fronds from one of the palms, throughout the house. =

Kaiser

Our dogs are swesome. Right now Kaiser is going down.

Today was pretty much a blur. A lot of work was a blur. We have so many people out it's crazy, so we are all overworked and overstressed.

Spiritually I continue to ponder my priest's requests of me. I think about this whole spiritual direction, my sense of a call, every day.

Who knows what's going to happen?

Bishop of San Joaquin is deposed

The bishop of San Joaquin has been formerly deposed (i.e. defrocked).

This has been coming for awhile.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jDZX3K59yZ25znkruveYwlCs3VmgD8VC7O004

Work

Sometimes things are just a little grey.

At work my manager is going to be out an additional week. The supervisor won't be back until Tuesday. We are all way stressed about everything. And to boot next week is the Sweet 16 basketball tournament which means extra work for everyone.

Tom's stocks are in the hole, his work is crap too.

Sigh.

Humbling yourself

The gospel reading for today focused on the idea of Jesus coming to us not for us to be his servants, but for him to serve us. The whole idea of humbling himself before us. The idea of God stooping down to us as he does in the psalms from time to time, to help us, to lift us up.

And we are in turn called to do the same for our brethren. To humble ourselves before our fellow human beings and especially those human beings who cause us the most trouble.

To serve, not to be served. To humble oneself.

Thinking on that I know of someone at work that has caused me a great deal of trouble in the past that I think I need to do this with. Lent is the perfect time for such a thing.

I'll write back on what happens.

Obama wins Mississippi

Obama is going to win Mississippi. Probably by a good margin. What does this mean? Well, he's stepping more and more towards the nomination. He's building his lead in: the number of states he's won, the number of delegats he's won and the popular vote margin.

Dry bones

Today's reading from the old testament was about the valley of dry bones (Ezekiel 37).

From the first time I heard this passage at the Great Vigil of Easter where I as baptized (and am sure to hear it again on the upcoming Great Vigil), I have always thought this one of the most provoking passages of the Bible.

An entire valley of dry bones, 'very dry bones'. No life had been present there for a long time. But yet God breathed life into these bones.

So much we learn about our faith is centered on the idea of dying to our old self before we can attain our new self. Here we have a direct representation of that. Death becomes life. The old becomes new. Dead, dry bones take on new life.

Are we (am I?) truly ready to become dry and dead so that I may attain new life?

Obama wins Wyoming

Obama has whipped Hillary in Wyoming.

After her surprising success on March 4th, he appears to have slowed whatever momentum she was experiencing.

I've said this to everyone who asks, I like them both. I prefer Hillary, but at this point, from a mathematical standpoint, Obama is going to win unless he makes an absolute historical blunder,
a la Gary Hart in 1987 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Hart

I know this won't make me popular with some people I know, but I'm trying to figure out Hillary's motive here. If she were to hang on, win Pennsylvania, probably Kentucky and a couple other states that are left, she would still trail in the pledged delegate count. Is she hoping to swing the super delegates? I guess she is, but as much of a fan as I am of hers, if she were to somehow convince the super delegates to go her way and give the nomination to her (thus overriding the will of the people who voted in the primaries and caucuses), it would destroy the democratic party and any hope for a victory in November.

Snow snow snow

As one of the surest signs of spring is nearly upon us, daylight savings time, we received our biggest snowfall of the winter season. I'd say we received a good 6-8 inches or so. My parents who live about 45 minutes away received over 10 inches.

I love snow, especially at the start of the winter season, before Christmas and all that. It can be so beautiful. Once I get past Christmas and move into the new year, snow just ends up being a hassle. And especially now that spring is closing in, it's a very unwelcome visitor that I hope not to see again for awhile.

Finding my path

Since last Friday and my meeting with my priest, I've had lots of moments of feeling inadequate. Not just for the priesthood or diaconate, but just in general. It has really made me take a step back and reassess things.

What I have learned is that everything is really ok. I can't imagine other people that go through this process don't go through this.



I still am called, I know that in my heart of hearts.



So that keeps me going, moving me forward.



This entire process at least has helped me in dealing with day to day life. I have a better grasp on dealing with day to day life and stresses. I feel a much stronger urge to constantly walk the path I feel God has called me to.



Now, how that actually ends up being translated in my actual actions, I don't know.



I just know I feel more confident in my ski

Something(someone) to lean on

I have to keep reminding myself of the idea of finding rest and safety in the Lord.

It is something I cling to on some days, esp in the last few days. Work has been crazy busy for a couple of weeks and me and my partner have been at it the last couple of days. More on that later, but, when that does happen, it leaves me depressed and withdrawn and feeling very unconnected spiritually. I lean on my partner

So I keep reminding myself, the Lord is my strength, in Him my hope rests.

I know things will turn out ok, they always do. But it helps to have a crutch. My crutch is God.

Finding safety

I try to remind myself constantly of the old prayer (the source escapes me at the moment), "Do not be afraid, I am with thee". Very simple but really all I need in difficult moments.

The Lord is with me, why on earth should I be afraid of anything? Why should I be worried about the trivialities of day to day life?



I have to keep reminding myself that when I hit a rough spot or a bad day, I still have hope because I have hope in the Lord.



So, what has happened to make me think of this? I've had an incredibly busy and challenging time at work. Home life has been even more challenging. My partner and I have been at it. It hasn't been pretty the last couple of days. More on that later, maybe.



So, I just have to keep reminding myself that my safety rests in the Lord.

The dogs tonight, finally at rest.

Uncomfortable change

Today was a dreary old day here, and just after a series of days where the weather was incredible for this time of the year. But for whatever reason I felt inspired today, I usually do on Wednesdays because I have the weekly Wednesday service at church to look forward to. It's always a source of refreshment for me, a sort of stop over in the middle of the week. A time to renew and hold oneself over until Sunday.
Today was exceptional, considering the time of the year, Lent, the sermon was about the gospel story of Jesus healing the man that was too lame to get into the pool. After being healed the man was commanded to take up his mat and walk. What the priest said was something I had not thought about before. That perhaps this man had a comfortable life, or at least a life he was used to. He knew what he was going to do for the last 38 years. And now all of a sudden he is healed and able to walk about freely. This would be a big change for him and quite possibly something that at least at first, is uncomfortable for him.
Change is uncomfortable. Being transformed can be uncomfortable.

Texas & Ohio

Obama or Clinton? So who is it going to be? I've been a Hillary guy all along but have never had a problem with Obama. Tonight holds a lot of answers. I think the answer will be Obama, but we don't know yet. We'll see.

I have had a few moments in the last couple of days to really put some thought into the idea of either the priesthood or the diaconate.
I failed to mention in my last post our bishop, in all his wonderful insight, has put a moratorium on people entering the discernment process. And he did this just a couple of weeks ago at our Diocesan convention. What good timing I have!
Actually, and my priest stated this, it gives us time. And I'm not in a rush. So time is good.
So I have some time to flesh out my ideas and interpretations of the offices of priest and deacon.