Finding my path

Since last Friday and my meeting with my priest, I've had lots of moments of feeling inadequate. Not just for the priesthood or diaconate, but just in general. It has really made me take a step back and reassess things.

What I have learned is that everything is really ok. I can't imagine other people that go through this process don't go through this.



I still am called, I know that in my heart of hearts.



So that keeps me going, moving me forward.



This entire process at least has helped me in dealing with day to day life. I have a better grasp on dealing with day to day life and stresses. I feel a much stronger urge to constantly walk the path I feel God has called me to.



Now, how that actually ends up being translated in my actual actions, I don't know.



I just know I feel more confident in my ski

Something(someone) to lean on

I have to keep reminding myself of the idea of finding rest and safety in the Lord.

It is something I cling to on some days, esp in the last few days. Work has been crazy busy for a couple of weeks and me and my partner have been at it the last couple of days. More on that later, but, when that does happen, it leaves me depressed and withdrawn and feeling very unconnected spiritually. I lean on my partner

So I keep reminding myself, the Lord is my strength, in Him my hope rests.

I know things will turn out ok, they always do. But it helps to have a crutch. My crutch is God.

Finding safety

I try to remind myself constantly of the old prayer (the source escapes me at the moment), "Do not be afraid, I am with thee". Very simple but really all I need in difficult moments.

The Lord is with me, why on earth should I be afraid of anything? Why should I be worried about the trivialities of day to day life?



I have to keep reminding myself that when I hit a rough spot or a bad day, I still have hope because I have hope in the Lord.



So, what has happened to make me think of this? I've had an incredibly busy and challenging time at work. Home life has been even more challenging. My partner and I have been at it. It hasn't been pretty the last couple of days. More on that later, maybe.



So, I just have to keep reminding myself that my safety rests in the Lord.

The dogs tonight, finally at rest.

Uncomfortable change

Today was a dreary old day here, and just after a series of days where the weather was incredible for this time of the year. But for whatever reason I felt inspired today, I usually do on Wednesdays because I have the weekly Wednesday service at church to look forward to. It's always a source of refreshment for me, a sort of stop over in the middle of the week. A time to renew and hold oneself over until Sunday.
Today was exceptional, considering the time of the year, Lent, the sermon was about the gospel story of Jesus healing the man that was too lame to get into the pool. After being healed the man was commanded to take up his mat and walk. What the priest said was something I had not thought about before. That perhaps this man had a comfortable life, or at least a life he was used to. He knew what he was going to do for the last 38 years. And now all of a sudden he is healed and able to walk about freely. This would be a big change for him and quite possibly something that at least at first, is uncomfortable for him.
Change is uncomfortable. Being transformed can be uncomfortable.

Texas & Ohio

Obama or Clinton? So who is it going to be? I've been a Hillary guy all along but have never had a problem with Obama. Tonight holds a lot of answers. I think the answer will be Obama, but we don't know yet. We'll see.

I have had a few moments in the last couple of days to really put some thought into the idea of either the priesthood or the diaconate.
I failed to mention in my last post our bishop, in all his wonderful insight, has put a moratorium on people entering the discernment process. And he did this just a couple of weeks ago at our Diocesan convention. What good timing I have!
Actually, and my priest stated this, it gives us time. And I'm not in a rush. So time is good.
So I have some time to flesh out my ideas and interpretations of the offices of priest and deacon.