Spiritual direction

I'm meeting with my spiritual director on Thursday and as these meetings draw closer, I tend to find myself searching for some meaningful things to say, some spiritual insights that are of great significance.
After the actual meeting I am reminded that such thoughts are quite silly. Although I feel as if these meetings are a sort of testing of my spiritual aptitude and worthiness, they are really just a tool to help assess my spiritual development.
Still sounds like some mamby pamby stuff to gloss over the fact it's still a step on my way to the priesthood. But oh well.
So, since my last meeting I have succeeded in missing church just about as much as I have attended, I have skipped my bible study group for the majority of the time, I have felt spiritually, emotionally and relationship-wise, quite inept.

But yet feel like I'm on the upswing.

So where does that leave me?

I don't have the slightest idea.